Overactive imagination

Lyla did sleep through the night last night, despite her circumcised binkies. Since then, she has mentioned them zero times.

We're nervous about this Friday's move to the big-girl bed, however. Actually falling asleep the past two nights has been more of an issue, so what happens when we take away the crib bars? She'll sneak out the window and go buy cigarettes, that's what.

So we're considering postponing the transition for a couple weeks. But we're in trouble if we put it off too long. "Lyla, Baby Brother plunged out of your mother yesterday, so you're evicted from the crib because he needs it tonight. Cool?"

"No baby bruddow, Dada! WAAAAAH!"

Twenty years from now:

"Son, the reason your sister doesn't speak to you dates back to the day you came home from the hospital and we kicked her out of her crib."

"So her singular devotion to ruining my life is actually your fault?"

"Well, I don't know if I'd say--"

"I hate you, Dad!"

On the other hand, this could be two nights from now:

"Where's Lyla?"

"Oh shit, the window's open."

Ring ring ring

"Are you going to answer that?"

"Hello?"

"Julie--"

"Shhh!"

"Put it on speaker."

Click.

"Hi, this Officer Bofficer of the Minneapolis Police Department. I'm here with Lyla at Super America, where she just tried to buy cigarettes."

Julie and I will look at each other and gesture and speak simultaneously: "Nose goes."

Maybe we'll do the transition next week. Or the week after.