The signs

Lyla calls binkies babies. "Baby!" she'll say when she sees one. It's awkward.

Julie decided weeks ago that we should stop giving Lyla a binky in the car. I secretly continued giving her one because I'm a total rebel, but on Monday I stopped because the binky in my car had gotten hairy, which seemed like a sign.

Lyla flipped her shit. "BAY-BEE! WAAAAA!" I told her no and she looked at me like you might look at a gremlin who broke into your bedroom and ate your kitty, like you just walked in and saw it sitting there smirking with kitty dripping out of its mouth.

That was Monday. With each subsequent day, the intensity of her car seat binky tantrum has diminished, with the exception of yesterday when she was a hot mess and got sent to bed at 6:00. Today I eliminated the tantrum completely by distracting her with a rousing though ultimately flawed version of the ABCs.

In daycare today, you see, they sang the ABCs while doing the hand signs for each letter. So I sat in the backseat in the daycare parking lot and busted it out, hand signs, vibrato, A, B, C, D, E--and that's where I got stuck. I don't know signs for F and beyond. And I could see into Lyla's mind through her eyes: "Daddy forgot the alphabet."

I started over and kept singing this time, passionately, as though auditioning for American Idol, but without post-E hand signs. I could tell by Lyla's scowl that she wasn't quite satisfied, and that suspicion was confirmed at W when she put her hand on mine and said "Uh oh."

I need to study up this weekend.