App app

Our iPhones finally arrived, so you can expect the quality of our parenting to decline rapidly. That's her brushing her teeth with Elmer's, for instance.

I'm back from Washington D.C., having slept eight hours last night for the first time since, I don't know, sophomore year of college. Julie is playing some game on her iPhone that sounds like glass breaking and chickens getting upset. It's hard to concentrate. They're called "apps," right? I thought an app was something you ordered at TGI-Friday's from a dude wearing a lot of flair.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm hanging out with Lyla all day while Julie goes to work. What will we do? I'm thinking something that keeps Lyla in a contained and safe space so that I can search for apps.

"Dada, up peez."

"Dada is searching for apps."

"Lyla apps."

"No. Dada apps."

"Mihk peez."

"Is there a milk app?"

"Mihk app. Dada mihk app."

"Ooh, there's a parenting app."

Is there a parenting app? Something that plays lullabies so that your kid falls asleep, thereby allowing you to search for more apps? Is there an app app? I feel so old.

This is making me hungry for mozzarella sticks.