"Young man, if you don't clean your bedroom, you'll be getting a jar of Santa's farts for Christmas."
"Put your tooth under your pillow, and the Tooth Fairy will turn it into a piano key for Jesus."
"Don't forget that colleges look at your middle school grades, too."
Today I convinced Lyla that the lady on the raisin box is Mama.
On the first day of 4th grade, Lyla's teacher will introduce an icebreaker by saying, "Tell the class your name and something interesting about yourself."
"I'm Lyla, and the lady on the raisin box is my mom."
She'll come home in tears. "Dad, they called me LIE...la!"
"They paused between the syllables in your name? That's actually kind of clever."
"Dad!"
"Sorry, honey."
When I was in 3rd grade, my mother once told me that Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke the way he did because he was partially deaf. I of course believed this to be true until I announced this to my friends in 4th grade.....I think I went home crying because they hysterically laughed and teased me. Thanks mom!
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